Tosha

Some days I want to say TOSHA! Which means ENOUGH! Lord I have had enough of starving children! But I have a feeling that God feels the same way sometimes. I know that the situations I've been encountering must break his heart too.

We have a new patient. A young lady of 16 years with Type I diabetes. My colleague Juli (also an FNP) was asked to visit her at home. When she arrived she was shocked at how bad the situation was. The girl is thin as a rail and not receiving proper care. She is also blind. She told Juli that she wished she could see so that she could go look for food. Her grandmother who used to care for her recently passed away.

Juli prayed and felt the Lord leading her to bring Emily home. So now Emily is staying at the training center. As I was just loading my last two blog posts I heard a bone chilling scream followed by sobbing. I have to confess something. I knew all day that Emily was there. I had heard her story this morning. But I’m so tired of suffering that I had chosen to avoid the room. I said “Lord I just really don’t want to deal with anymore agony today.”

When I heard the screaming I knew that I could not ignore or avoid. When I ran into the room I found a thin young girl in the fetal position rocking back and forth. She cried out “Jesus oh Jesus!” between the sobs. I got on the phone with Juli to learn what the medical plan of care was. I learned that just as I guessed, she has horrible neuropathies. This means that the nerves in her legs and feet have been damaged by the diabetes. She is not on any pain medications at this time.

Although I know medically Tylenol will not do any good for neuropathy I decided to try. I thought maybe the placebo effect would at least do some good. I raided Adele’s house and found some Tiger Balm. I returned and gave Emily a massage of her legs and feet. By the end of the massage she was almost sleeping. Then I prayed with her. My heart was so full in that moment. And to think I did not want to meet this young lady….

Lord please use me as an instrument of your love. Please help me to get past myself and my hang-ups. Walk me through these situations. Use my hands to minister your touch.